


Misericord

by moon_moth



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Apologies, Blink and you'll miss it, Coda, Dominion War, Gen, ahem, also the barest hint of Quodo, listen. Rom almost getting executed is more than just Kirodo angst fodder you dick ass writers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_moth/pseuds/moon_moth
Summary: Set after the Dominion occupation of DS9; I know I'm not the only one who felt let down that we never saw the emotional fallout of Odo's behavior. He nearly gets Rom executed and the closest thing we get to a resolution is him and Kira talking in a closet all night. Not good enough! Imagine how hurt Quark and the rest of his family were! We never even get to see him apologize to Rom! So I decided to fix that.





	Misericord

He can't do this in front of anyone else: he knows it has to be just him and Rom. Partly this is his instinct for privacy, but also he doesn't want to risk this looking like a performance, put on for the benefit of all the people who are looking at him so differently now. 

But ultimately, this isn't about anyone else. And it can't _seem_ to be about anyone else. He's got to get _one person_ to believe him, to believe that he doesn't just care about other people because they're connected to someone else more important to him than they are. He didn't expect this to hurt him so much, but it does. And if there's one person who deserves to know, it's the person he almost got killed. Not that anything he says can ever make up for it. 

He knows where and when Rom will be working alone, and slips out that way instead of returning to his office after a patrol. 

By the time he's gotten close enough to spot the grey and green Bajoran uniform sticking out from behind an open access panel, Rom has (of course) heard his approach and recognized his gait. As he gets closer, Rom very slowly and calmly sets his tools aside and closes the panel, turning to look Odo in the face for the first time since it all happened. That moment is even more difficult for him than he'd anticipated; he'd been preparing himself for the kind of looks he'd been getting from everyone else- Leeta, Quark, Nog. He's realized too late that he's miscalculated, badly. Rom's expression is far too gentle, and beneath the carefully constructed surface his body is rolling and roiling so hard that for a moment it becomes difficult to hold his shape. He can see from the look on his face that Rom can hear the frantic liquid noises and is trying not to react - _for his sake_ \- which only makes it worse. This is hell. The silence has gone on too long. 

He makes a throat-clearing noise, and begins his first attempt. 

"Rom, I-..." 

He had expected to get further than that, but a sudden, fresh wave of emotion hits him and as it does, he has the horrifying realization that if he were still a Solid, this would be where he either burst out in tears, or stifled them poorly. The knowledge doesn't help. This experience has introduced him to several hues of shame and regret that he hadn't known existed before. A whole ugly spectrum. It has, no doubt, given him new insight to the guilty conscience of a criminal mind... he has indeed done something terrible. For a moment, he has to break eye contact. Then he stiffens up and tries again. 

"I know how small and meaningless the words 'I'm sorry' can be... But I _am_ sorry. I'm _so_ sorry. I've never regretted anything more than what almost happened to you because of me. More than once I've heard the phrase 'I would never have forgiven myself' in a confession of guilt; but to me, the lack of a consequence doesn't make a difference. I _am_ guilty. Because of my actions, you were sent for execution. The fact that you _weren't_ executed doesn't absolve me. Nothing can. Nothing will." 

He has to break eye contact again, because Rom's face is entirely too kind. 

Rom says his name, but Odo continues, almost afraid of... of something. He's not sure what. 

"I'm sure you've heard... what I said to Kira. Initially she thought I'd forgotten... that it slipped my mind while I was linking... but I didn't. I told her it... didn't matter. I want you to know that I didn't mean **you.** I never meant that your life didn't matter to me. I meant that... while I was linking with the Founder, _nothing_ mattered. It all seemed to make sense at the time, but now, I... I can't understand why I felt that way. I can't explain why I did what I did. But I'm sorry, Rom..." 

"Odo," he repeats. 

"I'm not here to seek your forgiveness... I only want to offer you my sincerest and humblest apology, for whatever that's worth." 

Finally, Odo has run out of things to say, and he and Rom both take a breath. 

"Odo, I forgive you." 

He looks up again for the first time, to see Rom looking absolutely calm, and incredibly patient. He can't think of anything to say, so he says nothing. Rom continues. 

"Maybe you don't understand why you did what you did, but I do. You were being manipulated by people you care about, people you believe care about _you_ in return. And maybe they do, in their own way, but that doesn't make it okay. You were being used, by people who were in a perfect position to use you. If anyone understands that, I do. But you have it much worse than I ever did. The Founder got you to believe that nothing you cared about mattered. No one's ever done anything that horrible to me." 

It's quiet. Odo has no idea how to react. He just stands there, trying to absorb what just happened. After a moment, Rom steps forward and places a hand on his arm. 

"Give my family time. They'll forgive you too. _All_ of them." 

The way he says 'all' sends something inside Odo twisting and jerking. There's another long pause. 

"Rom..." 

He's not even sure what he was going to say. 

"It's okay." 

There have been so many silences between them already, and Rom endures the next one with his usual forbearance. At last, Odo speaks. 

"I don't... I don't deserve this," he says. 

"Well, I think you do. ... Please," he says emphatically, "I've accepted your apology, now accept my forgiveness." 

After a long, difficult moment, Odo nods slightly. 

"Thank you," he says in a voice even more gravelly than usual. Some part of him still remembers having a throat, and feeling it close up. 

Rom nods back, pausing a moment before collecting his tools and leaving. Before he does, he stops again, and turns. 

"We've known each other for a long time, Odo; I already knew you didn't mean me."

**Author's Note:**

> three things:
> 
> 1) i swear to every god that i'm still working on all my other WIP fics  
> 2) i hate the phrase "The Female Changeling" and i refuse to use it  
> 3) Rom is too good for this world


End file.
